Wishing and Hoping

I'm turning nineteen. Not that I intend to tell the whole world that my birthday is fast-approaching. I've just come to the realization that I'll be leaving my teenage phase approximately a year after now. Hmmmm... I'm not making a big deal out of it. At the very least, I think I'm not. Even my being a long-term plan junkie doesn't seem to fit as an excuse. Note, long-term.

I've known myself to be future-oriented. Strong point, you may think. But if truth be told, I see it as a weakness. Sometimes, my strong inclination towards the future blinds me off of seeing the beautiful details I should've been giving my attention to. There are times when I get so pre-occupied of my passion that I seem to forget how to live life 'un-jaded-ly', for the lack of a better term. How ironic it is to be jaded by your own passion, isn't it?

In less than a week's time, I'm getting a year older. I'm not much of a birthday wish buff. But this time, I'm really wishing for something to happen. I wouldn't be blogging about it, though. Hehehe. Sorry for the bitin effect. Although I'm not expecting, the fact remains that yes, I'm hoping. Lord, please please plssssssss. :D

Aside from my big birthday wish, I also have a couple of little ones as presents for myself. (Disclaimer: I would still be accepting and appreciating tangible ones, so it's okay to give me some. Hehehe. ;P)

First off, I want to be successful in fathoming what is it I really want. Shux, ang broad naman ata ng sentence ko. What I'm saying is, I'll be graduating soon. Although not so soon, thing is, malapit lapit na rin yon. Up to now, I still don't know what to do after that. I don't know if I'd be studying again or I'd just be working na lang. See, I told you, I'm too pre-occupied with future stuff. Hehe. My parents want me to go to law school. Why wouldn't they want me to if their older daughter is taking a good shot at it? Haaay, ang hirap talaga kapag may kapatid kang role model. You are to be sued for this, my kapatid. Hehehe. Oh well, if I'm gonna be pursuing it, I just want to be sure that I'm doing it not just for the love of the title, but more of for world peace. Haha, labo. Kidding aside, I just want to be sure that I want it for real. :D

Next, I want to be as carefree as possible. This I would have a hard time achieving. I really, really, really envy people who can easily give in to their senses. No matter how I try to be impulsive, I just can't. Well, for the reason that being impulsive has negative connotations, I'll try to be as carefree as possible na lang. Like, I want to have the courage to drop things off for the love of short-term happiness. Hehehe. Anything won't hurt if done in moderation, I motion.

Third, I don't want to be affected by the cynicism attributed to the world. I still believe that it's beautiful. It's not that I'm being narrow- or even close-minded. Neither am I being too idealistic. Take into consideration that I'm not the kind of person who would easily agree if bombarded with strong points of view. I may not be the type who would want to argue on such matters. But still, I have my own opinions. I want to face the real world knowing that it's the best and only place to live my life to the fullest.

Last, I want to find my real happiness. :D