disclaimer: i wasn't the one who wrote the poem below. my sister did. i was reading her literary works awhile ago. and yes, i had a hard time containing my pride of having a sister who's not only an intellectual but an artsy-fartsy poet as well.





to the future atty. del castillo: (naks!) hoy! kelan ang libre ko? haha. how i wish i was also gifted with your poetic muse. yes, my weaknesses are your strengths and my strengths are your weaknesses. haha. extremes talaga tayo! best of luck in your hardwork of becoming a lawyer. take it easy, mehn!







THE MORIBUND WARRIOR










Astride in the palomino of fanatical girth,



A musket refrained the circulation of being;



Trussed malevolently by rage



Rammed forward wherein Indians fought.



Layeth, dragged and driven



Towards the methodological and mystical norms.







Seen in a foggy cloud of vapor:



Suckling infant –



Crawling toddler –



Bruised boy –



Morbid adolescent –



Bitter manhood –







Visions clogged the core of deliverance





Amputated the heart,



the body,



the essence,



the totality of the soul.







Strength,



eaten by cowardice.





Cowardice,



gobbled by fear.





Fear,



a step up derangement.







Terror clasped all



Head thrown back, rancorous



In askance, towards life.



Antagonistic, dead life.



Then, the warrior sleeps …








rendel







june 15, ‘98



( first poem written in college )

The Disembodying of Life

The Disembodying of Life






i've seen it in dreams. i've experienced it in actuality. i've felt it for real.





LIFE. it goes on.





concreting a beautiful concept such as 'life' in a single definition is indeed, ridiculous. i find it preposterous that for some, the satisfaction of an incorporeal notion such as life is confined to when a person is born, savors his life, then dies. life is more than just a vicious cycle bound to delineate death from immortality. it's not about counting how many breaths you take. life is more than just going beyond limits, transcending horizons, and making a name. it's not about wearing masks and dressing in armors. if truth be told, life is more than just discovering things and being able to cope with pressures. it's not about how many goals you achieve, what papers you ace, or what grades you get. life is not all about being on top and viewing the picture on a bigger perspective. these just don't embody what life is all about.





life is knowing how to love and being able to feel loved. it's being able to believe in yourself and trusting the people around you. life is about having passions, dreams, goals, and being able to share it with people you love. it's about strategizing plans, overcoming problems and building confidence. life is about accepting challenges and taking risks. it's about understanding what compassion is and being able to share it when circumstances tell you. life is a continuous process of respecting and earning respect. life is all about noticing minute details and cherishing moments that take your breath away. it's about being an instrument of touching someone else's life in a way that has never been believed possible. most importantly, life is all about having FAITH. and yes, faith is not just knowing that God can, it's believing that He will.





Yes, my Lord. In Your Time. All else will happen In Your Time.

WoooHooo






for this week.





BA 186: Systems Analysis and Design

Research on Events Planning - Organization Structure, Operations Overview (group work)





BA 141: Corporate Finance I

1. Research on Annual Reports in the Philippine Banking Industry then make a comparative analysis of 2 banks. (group work)

2. Read about Ratio Analysis.





BA 101: Intro. to Business Management

Read Case 2: Armour Garments Company





BA 115: Managerial Accounting

1. Do assignments.

2. Read Chapter 4 (26 pages)





BA 182: Quantitative Methods in Business II

Group Exercise 1 (Decision Theory)





BA 151: Human Behavior in Organizations

Read Chapters 18, 19, 20 (48 pages)







*** i'm sooooo broke.

*** i miss my mom.

*** i didn't know that Cardinal Sin died until it was told in BA 151.

*** i haven't found an appropriate article for our research yet.

*** i'm craving for piaya

*** i have no class tomorrow...

*** ...pero tambak naman ang readings ko!

Ditto!






slacking at 2am, i suddenly wanna have the same penchant for poetry as what pablo neruda had. for the very, very first time, i found myself falling in love with an uncheezy love poem. this is so malufet! i swear it's not the so elementary-ish lovey dovey poems. this one's worth the read!





Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda





"I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as certain dark things are loved,

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.





I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries

hidden within itself the light of those flowers,

and thanks to your love, darkly in my body

lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.





I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you simply, without problems or pride:

I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving





but this, in which there is no I or you,

so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,

so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close."





ditz mode. i want to believe that this is almost-but-not-quite soooooo me. hahaha. i guess i'll forever be the hopeless romantic freak i am. i'm kind of inspired to get an english 12 class next sem tuloy. i still have one AH GE subject! wala lang, i suddenly felt like i can actually bear the burdens of scrutinizing and digesting every bit of world literature. haha. yikes. but i know myself more than anyone does. my drive of pursuing a pure reading-and-analysis subject will forever be just an inspiration.





i'm supposed to read my finance, managerial accounting, and HBO books now, but here i am, blogging! glecy, sabi na nga ba mahihirapan akong gawin ang resolution ko! harharhar. i hate the fact that UP Diliman ruins my skin. swear! there are times that i only get 2 hours of sleep. haay. how i wish i was gifted with stress-surviving hormones! sometimes i want to live in a campus dorm na lang so i could save my travel time. but i don't wanna give up the conveniences i have at home. i won't and never ever will!





cramming is my life. but i am aware that slacking off shouldn't be a pretext in my journey of "experiencing life." so there, i'll try not to cram even just for this semester!





nothing extraordinary happened today. i've spent my day living as quintessential as the others were. i hit the mic for three hours! haha. as in ako lang yung kumakanta. extra lang si papa minsan. that's how we bond. we share the same passion for music. i wouldn't have stopped abusing the microphone if i didn't realize na may handaan pala at our neighbor's house. hehehe. so embarassing.





my dad asked me to buy him kitchie nadal's album. hahaha. kewlness. recently, a day didn't pass without him telling me how he really likes kitchie's music. "ang galing talaga niyang si kitchie nadal, may sariling style. unique ang boses. blah, blah, blah." actually, he mistook her as a foreign singer. he even asked me to sing 'bulong' kanina. as if naman there's a kitchie nadal song in the songlist eh recently lang nag bloom si kitchie! hahaha. haay, si papa talaga.





a father's day greeting to the one and only man of my life! i love you, papa!

Random Whines






sheeeeeeezz. wala akong makwento. wala lang. this is pure crap. i'm blogging it nonetheless. read on, if you wish.





the sem has just barely started but it feels like we're already in the middle of it. nakakaiyak lahat ng books namin, add the readings and handouts to that. good thing we don't have wednesday classes, at least we can also rest in the middle of the week. oh well... technically, it's a rest day. but practically, it still isn't.





one of my semestral resolutions or whatever you may wanna call it is to use the internet for at most thrice a week. i have to limit my web sessions since once i start using it, i usually have a hard time stopping my access.





i'm so magastos these days. i can't save even a single peso from my allowance. i'm having a hard time containing my impulse to buy things which i don't really need at the moment. ang dami kong nakikitang sale. hehehe. i'm so takaw pa. i buy anything i crave everytime i go home. this should stop. i feel like i'm gaining weight again. tommyyyyyyy! i thought you're going to be my dietician! hehehe. i'm back to my nescafe ice nights. i prefer it more than hot coffee. nothing beats its comfort when i'm being saturated with loads of readings.





the weather is sooo shitty. june is way, way hotter than summer. what's worse, bigla na lang uulan when you least expect it.





i have a 7am-class every tuesdays and fridays. i've already been late twice though the sem has just started. ang hirap gumising, swear! i'm not used to it na. my only consolation is seeing dr. roman early in the morning and witnessing her strengths as a professor. i so admire her. hehehe. she's like prof. monsod. o baka naman na sstarstruck lang talaga ako. hehe. but she's really good.





i had my reaffirmation in UP CE. i went to Papemelroti, Blue Magic, and Parker awhile ago for the EA stuff. inquiries lang. no deals yet. i'm thinking of joining UP ABAM or UP AIESEC. if my friends are going to apply, then i would, too.





i'm thinking of pursuing finance as a major. i'm considering marketing, too. unfortunately, i feel that i won't do justice if i'll pursue productions and operations as a career track. hahaha. i'm not much a fan of linear programming, sensitivity analysis, critical path method, and the like.





i've come to a realization that vacation is really over. pero feeling ko, may vacation-lag pa rin ako. hehehe.

Withheld Weariness






one acad week down, a couple of hectic ones to go. i really feel the need to keep away from my cramming tendencies. nay, better drop it since i have to wake up to the fact that all units i've enrolled for are major ones. i'm halfway through my course! yay! it was as if two years were merged into one. two more years to go and i'm off... welcome corporate world! right on, dude!





i already met my professors. i believe they're all embodiments of excellence. it just occurred to me that almost all of them require us to read in advance. shux! and most of them conduct recitations every meeting. brilliant! on a positive note, i feel so privileged of having the first lady UP President as a professor this sem. she emits an aura of authority yet she knows whenever humor calls. i like her style of teaching though it's too early to tell. conversely, i'm also dreading one of my classes. i've heard feedbacks regarding our hbo prof. it's either you come prepared every session or you prepare yourself to be embarassed. yikes. she was fine during the first week, anyway. pressure. pressure. pressure. gotta learn to deal with it better. until tuesday, i'm withholding my weariness.





one great sem coming up! that's sarcasm, deary...

Batang Promil






one of the reports featured in 24 oras for today was about separation anxiety. i didn't know what it was. i thought it was all about the jitters that the not-so-fortunate children undergo when their parents separate. i was wrong pala. i found out that this separation anxiety thing is all about children who do not want to be left in the classroom by their parents during their very first day of school. i won't bore you by blogging with regard to the technicalities of separation anxiety. i'm not that familiar about it either. i'll just make kwento about how i personally went through this sorta-kinda-lyka-parang-medyo-may-pagka separation anxiety thing.





i was three years old when i started going to school. (side kwento: ngayon ko lang na-realize na i've spent 13 years of enduring long hours of travel time via school to house and vice-versa during my angelicum college days. it took 1 1/2 hours of travelling one way. so, kapag back-and-forth, 3 hours yun! imagine, 15 hours in a week of unproductive time spent preparatory to doing productive ones! 15 hours in a week multiplied to 13 years... brilliant! good thing we didn't have to bear the burdens of commuting everyday!) my lola was the one who took me to school and fetched me come dismissal time. disclaimer: she wasn't the one driving ha! hehe.





i admit i am a lola's girl. she was the one who took care of me and my sister when we were young 'coz our parents were in abroad back then. when i was about to start going to school, she really had a hard time convincing me why i should. i cried a lot everytime she went out of my classroom. ayoko talaga magpa-iwan. as in i did resort to literally clinging on her hands, legs, waist, etc. everytime she walked out. due to my insistent demand of not being away from my lola, my teacher bargained with me. she let my lola stay in the room on the condition that i won't be crying too loud and interrupting her lessons. what a low-lifer i had been! plus, i was the only one who brought bottled milk or Sustagen chocolate for recess time. hahaha. FYI, my then pre-school teacher is now a member of the team principal! o 'di ba! during my hs graduation, i remember her saying to me, "kathlyn, you were such a cry baby before. now, you're graduating na! time really slips so fast." i was so embarassed. naaalala pa pala niya 'yun! my lola spent a week in my class listening to number countings and nursery rhymes - just for a week! everytime she remembers it, she'd say to me, "bumalik ako ng nursery for a week para lang sa 'yo." and then we'd laugh.





wonderin' what made me shut my mouth from crying? it's none other than a so-large can of Birch Tree! weeks before the start of classes, i was bugging my lola to buy Birch Tree instead of Promil for my milk. i was so aliw with the commercial of the gutierrez twins. they were the endorsers of Birch Tree during that time. ewan ko ba, feeling ko kasi before, if i'd stop using Promil, it would signify na malaki na ako. it's really funny how children tend to think innocently 'di ba. but after i consumed my first can of Birch Tree, they went back to buying Promil. i was deceived! Promil Kid ako. hindi nga lang gifted! lol.

i just wanna rant...






i feel like i'm treading the path of contentment these days. a number of times have i caught myself smiling for no apparent reason at all. but i'm not gonna be blogging about my bliss now... i'd rather keep the details for myself.





my junior year has officially started today. but i'm not gonna be talking about it either. haha. while i was riding a jeepney in UP kanina, i was unfortunately seated near a girl who was hardly trying to use her conyo lingo while she was talking to the driver. it's not that i'm underestimating the ability of the driver to understand the taglish-ing of this pa-conyo girl. i just find her choice of conyo-lingo-ing the driver awkward 'coz it was pretty obvious that the driver was having a hard time understanding her. the passengers were also translating everything she said to the driver. moreover, she doesn't look like she has some foreign blood running through her veins for her not to know how to speak straightly in tagalog. forgive me, my abhorrence for pretentious people is utterly obvious!






a short version...






girl to mamang driver: manong, where's my change? i've given you six pesos.






mamang driver: (dedma lang)






girl to mamang driver: manong, where's my change? you should give me singkwenta






mamang driver: ano?






passengers to mamang driver: mama, yung sukli daw po na singkwenta.






mamang driver: (stops the vehicle to attend to the girl's queries.)






girl to mamang driver: manong, where's my change?






mamang driver: ha?






passengers to mamang driver: mama, yung sukli daw po. singkwenta.






mamang driver: (gives a 50-peso bill)






girl to mamang driver: no manong, i gave you six pesos. like, you should have given me fifty cents for a change. you get it?






passengers to mamang driver: mama, singkwenta centimos lang po ung sukli niya.






mamang driver: (passes 50 cents to the girl)






the girl, after having been completely satisfied receiving her FIFTY CENTS, she then talks to her friend: "naku, sayang naman ang sukli ko kung pababayaan ko lang noh. fifty cents rin yon!"






*** after all, pwede naman pala siyang hindi mag-inarte! duh.

Literally, a Long Day!






my post for today is slightly incoherent. i haven't had a good sleep yet. last night, i slept at 10pm (take note: maaga na yan for me!), then i suddenly woke up at 2am. after nun, i wasn't able to sleep na. ewan ko ba. i'll be having a hard time adjusting my sleeping time na naman. start of classes na next week.





finally... after two days, i'm done with my registration process! my long hours of waiting to be enlisted in ba 115 finally paid off. kaya lang we were enlisted dun sa block ng IE students. no more slots na daw in block A. i'll be meeting new friends ulet. so happy. :D





i arrived home from UP at around 6pm. i haven't made up my mind yet if i'd go to marian faith's bday celeb. ayoko kasi mag commute ng super late na. but of course, i couldn't turn down her invitation. kaberks ko yan eh! i thought my dad wasn't going to fetch me after ng party, but he agreed naman in the end. so ayun... pag uwi ko from UP, i took a bath agad. 8pm kc ung meeting time namin. ang hirap kaya mag prepare for an hour! hehehe. super nagmadali talaga ako. we got lost pa while we were finding the alarcon residence. hehehe.





i saw my hs friends again. yung iba i haven't seen them for almost a year, i think. we had kwentuhan, asaran, laglagan, etc., etc. of course, ndi pwedeng umabsent ang magic sing. hehe. no one beats greg in mixing drinks! may nalalaman pa yan na 1-day fermentation effect. hehehe. we were the last ones to go home. around 2am na siguro yun. dapat nga we would 've stayed there pa 'til morning eh. ang saya kasi, when there were just a few of us left, pakapalan na ng face. hehe. todo kantahan na. no factor of shyness na. hehe. laglagan to the max. haaay. i suddenly missed my hs life tuloy. hehe. thanks marian! we really enjoyed it! :D